a wicked case of writer's block

the baron, as the post of this title suggests, is currently suffering from a wicked case of writer's block. this forum, where she's come often in the past year or two to lay her thoughts to paper (so to speak), isn't really working for her lately... mostly because she doesn't actually have any thoughts worth sharing! instead, over the past month, she's had a fragment here, something small and interesting there, but nothing worth sculpting into an entire series of sentences, a narrative.

sigh.

so.

reader? interested in some scrap thoughts?

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the baron is tired of being pregnant. in the last 4 weeks, she's gained a frightening amount of weight, so much so that she fears what the next 10 weeks will bring. really, reader? how much bigger can this baby get? and, will the baron have to buy more (bigger) clothes for herself to accommodate him? yikes.

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the nursery (which the baron has only just become accustomed to calling 'the nursery' rather than 'the office') is nearly done. everything a newborn baby needs is ready to go - clothes, diapers, a place to sleep, a place to be changed. sometimes, the baron gets a little sad, looking at this room, a newly painted space that seems to be holding its breath in anticipation. the baron knows she's holding her breath too.

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hey, douchebag [name redacted] (says the baron), lay off my husband. sorry your guys can't swim at home OR at work, but really? do all small states yield small-minded people? grow up, hoser.

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so. baby showers. what are they about? the baron always thought they were about bringing together all the good people in one's life, and mingling over cocktails. it turns out, though, they're really about getting presents (and, evidently, simulating baby excrement with candy bars). which is kind of sucky. because the baron didn't really want to ask all the good people in her life to buy things for the baby.

however, the buying of things seems a foregone conclusion, so the baron thought that she could give back by participating in the planning of the shower; alas, she was shouted down by a friend via this exchange:

the baron: well, can't i do the invitations?
friend: it's poor, poor etiquette.
the baron: what?
friend: i didn't really mean to double up on the poors
the baron: where is that written?
friend: it's just, you shouldn't participate too much in something that is asking for gifts because then it's like YOU are asking for gifts.

admittedly, this perspective had not occured to the baron and after this exchange, the baron felt very small. in her mind, by offering to help, she was taking pressure off the hostess! it seems, though, that to everyone else, her involvement might actually appear as a solicitation of presents on her own behalf. she felt very small indeed.

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baby x is kicking, with regularity and surprising strength. he's not striking out with enough force to, say, break a rib, but he is able to push his arms and/or legs outward and into the baron's abdomen. it's very strange for her, to see a lump suddenly appear and pulsate just to the left of her belly button.

also, her belly button? she thinks it's going to pop out very soon. so. that's great.

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is spring here yet? the baron was happy when she realized that her pregnancy would take her through the winter months (and not an awful, awful summer), but now she's realizing that - at this late stage of her pregnancy - none of her outerwear fits. and. it's. still. cold. outside.

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the baron and the husband have lately discussed the difference between being a cynic and being a realist. the husband believes he is the latter, though the baron would have called him the former. the baron would call herself the latter, though frequently sees herself veering into the territory of the former... which, she admits, is ugly.

it seems to her that now, this time in her life, is not the time for cynicism, not when she and the husband are about to be responsible for an entire new person.

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writer's block, the baron thinks, happens from time to time. she'll get over it, and reader? giving life to her half-thoughts is making her feel better already.