abrupt reversal of a 30 year certainty, or, part one of what will become a very long story

reader, the baron knows she's been scarce around these parts lately. the end of summer always makes her feel a little 'meh', and, um, also she's having terrible, terrible morning sickness. because, oh, yes, she's pregnant.

for those of you who know the baron and the husband, you will immediately note that this seems an abrupt reversal of their previous plan, the one that involved lots of dogs and no children? indeed, when first they met, it seemed serendipitous that neither the baron nor the husband wanted children. this was something they established very early on in their relationship, something that was dispensed with thusly:

"me? kids? no thanks."
"me too. my family's got too many of them anyway."
"really? great. moving on... i'm actually not *that* into fugazi."

**********
that conversation (or one very similar to it) was a very long time ago, almost 9 years now, and in those intervening years, the baron and the husband have had some adventures - madcap and otherwise.

for instance, just before they moved to san francisco:
"i've always wanted to live in san francisco."
"really? it's kind of a hippy town. makes me think of wool socks and birkenstocks, worn together."
"..."
"ok. let's go."

and then, just before they moved to phoenix:
"we'll never be able to afford a house in san francisco. or, really, even a 400 square foot studio apartment."
"not until that earthquake comes and flattens the housing market, probably not."
"let's move, get a mortgage, and pay equity instead of rent."
"ok. where?"
"dunno. somewhere relatively close to my mom so she can dogsit."
"well, california is most likely out, even inland southern california."
"arizona? phoenix?"
"ok. do this soon?"
"ok. think we can fit in house hunting before we leave for greece?"
"hm. find a house in one weekend....? sure."

and just before the husband moved to new orleans:
"i've been offered a job in new orleans. i think i'll take the dogs and move into the w in the french quarter until i can find a rental house."
"ok. meet you there?"
"ok."

and 6 weeks later, just before taking an alternate job in washington dc:
"the husband, i am having the worst friday afternoon ever! my car broke down on the 60 freeway. at 5 pm. and my cell phone is about to die. and i've been waiting for the tow truck forever. and it's so hot!"
"i'm sorry your car broke down. i was assaulted by a large group of baseball-bat wielding youths in the marigny. in broad daylight. i am currently giving my statement to the police. i am not having a good friday either. can i call you back?"

**********
last november, the baron was channel surfing, looking specifically for stacy london and clinton kelly (because, yes, the baron is a fan of 'what not to wear'). instead, on the channel where these two and their sadly dressed prey would normally appear, the baron found, sigh, 'jon and kate plus 8'. this was the baron's first exposure to this show and family, and at first, she marvelled at the sheer number of children. then, she marvelled at the mouth on the wife, because really? what husband wants to be spoken to like that? then, as her attention was waning and she was ready to surf the channels elsewhere, the couple sat down for an interview and the baron heard, "i'm only 32, and i have 8 kids..."

the baron thought, "what? i'm only 31, and i have no kids!", then said, "the husband, you're 36 and you have no kids!"

the husband was startled by this.

**********
the baron wasn't REALLY inspired to have a child by 'jon and kate plus 8', but it did get her mind working.

she thought about all the times the husband would say, "man, my kid would be in so much trouble all the time!" (to which the baron would respond, "with whom will you be having this child? because my child will be in the library. behaving."), or "do you ever think about what our baby might look like?", or "man, my kid will totally skateboard! and play the drums! and be curious about everything!" she thought about all the times she had considered what their child might actually be like; that, if she were very, very lucky, her child would be very much like the husband.

it started to seem like, for a couple of people who had long since decided against children, they were spending a fair amount of time imagining what their family of three bipeds might look like. and that realization, coupled with the fact of the baron's age (she was, last november, 31), and the husband's age (he was, last november, 36), got her thinking.

**********
a series of tense conversations followed before they made the excellent choice to drop the matter entirely until after christmas: they would retreat to their corners and reconvene later to discuss.

in the end, it came down to this:
one would reason, we have a good life.
true, the other would say, but what if? do we want to be in our 50s and full of regret? who can ever reconcile a baby-shaped hole in their heart?

sometime around start of january, the husband said, "let's try. it'll be fun, one more adventure for us. we'll just set aside some time, and if it works, it works, and if it doesn't, well, that's that."