monday

the baron would like to apologize to her tens and tens of readers out there in the interweb ether. she knows the baron says... has been neglected lately, but she has a good reason: today is the second day of her new job! so far, she likes it, and so far, she hasn't burned anything down.

the baron suspects that postings at the baron says... will be on the light side for the next little while. in addition to this new job, she and the husband plan a vacation at the end of this week, which means that the baron will be thinking of sunblock and bathing suit lines (and, truthfully, cellulite) rather than you, dear reader. sorry about that.

but! fear not! she'll be back as soon as she can, and in the meantime she misses you.

multi-tasking

above is another poor quality photograph, and for that the baron apologizes.

she had to take the picture, though, because it was just so ridiculous. that's her big green bottle of conditioner, there in the back; some micro refiner from the body shop, there in that orange tube; and another conditioner - a hotel sample, but a really good one, there in the front right. and in the very front of the shower rack? yes, that's dental floss, nestled in among those OTHER THINGS YOU'D TYPICALLY FIND IN A SHOWER RACK.

the husband, when asked, claimed no knowledge of the shower floss, he had no idea how that floss came to share shower real estate with the conditioners, but the baron knows better. after all, it's just the two of them who live in the house, just two of them that use that shower, and the baron is CERTAIN that she didn't floss her teeth in the shower. she's a big, big fan of flossing - and has the dental records to prove it - but, if she had flossed in the shower, she would have disposed of the used floss in the trash can; she would not have left it in a tanlged wad on top of the shampoo.

the baron thinks that the husband might want to consider his bathroom rituals, that's all.

a pleasant surprise

the past few months, the husband and the baron have been slowly working their way through the x-files television series. they own seasons 1 and 2, and have netflixed the remaining seasons('netflixed' may not be an actual verb). just now, they are nearly done with season 8. season 8's a rough one to watch - it's dramatic in an eye-rolling and inadvertently funny way, new characters are introduced to mixed results, mulder is gone for most of it, scully cries a lot, krycek has aged VERY BADLY, skinner is as severe as ever, alien replicants walk among us... it really could use some levity to brighten it all up. that's not to say the season is all bad, though - there is a bright spot.

that bright spot's name is robert patrick, he of the slightly malformed ears and lean physique. though neither the baron nor the husband can place his accent - is that brooklyn? or boston? - they like him anyway, especially as scully's disbelieving foil and heir to mulder's lost cause. also, his suits fit him really nicely, and a fitted suit ALWAYS helps.

the baron isn't one to read too much into popular entertainment - it's just a show, eh? - but she's pleasantly surprised about this robert patrick situtation. his good and sincere acting is a small satisfaction, one that makes the day a little better - rather like finding a $5 bill in the husband's pants pocket just before doing laundry.

our baby

the baron knows the photo above is a poor one - shot in light too low and out of focus to boot. what really gets her, though, is that the husband took the picture at all.

it's a potato, one that stayed in the basket too long. (the baron keeps a basket in the kitchen for onions, garlic and, occasionally, potatoes. right now, there are also sunflower seeds in this basket, kept there for the baron when she works her way through all 9 seasons of the x-files.) the baron can't really remember why she bought but did not use this potato - maybe to thicken up a soup, or to add to an indian dish? actually, she can't even remember WHEN she bought it. she does remember seeing it from time to time in the basket, grabbing it accidentally when she was groping for an onion, and thinking, 'ah! that potato! better use it soon before its eyes sprout'. ahem.

she does not remember seeing the slow progression of those spindly growths, of that she is sure. so, when the husband finally the pulled the potato out of the basket, the baron was VERY SURPRISED indeed at the state of it.

even more surprising was the shape of it, the way those off-shoots look like nascent arms and legs. and, with a little imagination, that white blooming thing at the top? maybe like a small fancy hat, or the beginnings of a face? on the sofa there, leaning just so against the cushions, that potato looks very much like a baby. a creepy baby, but a baby nonetheless. don't you think?

trivia night

last night, the baron and the husband went to trivia night at a local restaurant/bar. the game was set up so that people could play solo or on teams (mostly on teams, but one guy sat alone at the bar and called himself 'the lone trivializer'). the baron and the husband played on a team with kevin's sister gina (that's her in the photo above, which was taken in a booth at the bar last night. she is wearing some graceland glasses, but that's another story.).

the husband named their team of three snack wagon, and as the rounds started they were excited about it. the evening's host was k. tomko: he dreamed up all sorts of questions, in 6 categories: the first four considered regular play, the last two considered bonus rounds, and a final question upon which teams could wager all their points to win.

the first category was 'bushisms'. all the answers contained 'bush' (for example, one of the answers was 'here we go 'round the mulberry bush'. snack wagon missed that one.). in that category, snack wagon got 4 of 8 possible.

the second category kevin called 'baltimorons'; all the answers were notable people from baltimore. two or three answers were sports figures, which put snack wagon out right away. in the end, the baron and her teammates got just three correct (john waters, johns hopkins, and a forgotten last one). total: 6 points.

category three was kevin bacon movies. answers included 'friday the 13th', 'footloose', 'mystic river', 'stir of echoes' and 'animal house'. the baron can't remember exactly, but she thinks snack wagon got 6 correct, for 18 points. (by the way, the points were determined as follows: round 1, correct answers multiplied by 1 for total points. round 2, correct answers multiplied by 2 for total points. round 3, correct answers multiplied by 3 for total points. you're following now, right?)

category four: the 27 club. evidently, a number of musicians have died at the age of 27, becoming members of the '27 club'. answers included joplin, hendrix, cobain, and morrison. total points: 24.

categories five and six were 90s songs and state capitals. for the songs, kevin gave a shatner-esque reading of the lyrics; teams were to guess the band. believe the baron when she says that it's hard to pick out weezer's 'buddy holly' when kevin gives it this treatment:

oh oh

and you're

mary TYler

moore

i

don't care

what

THEY say

about US

anyWAY i don't

care

about that.

other lyrics included 'baby got back' and a few country songs. for the state capitals, kevin named three states, and the teams were to write down which states' capital came first, alphabetically. snack wagon had been feeling pretty bad about themselves, on account of the low scores (low compared to other teams at the bar), but this capitals category did them in for sure.
the baron incorrectly identified the capital of new york state as new york city, and of michigan, ann arbor. the husband incorrectly identified the capital of iowa as cedar rapids. none of the three could remember the capitals of new jersey, south dakota, or connecticut. it was a most humbling experience indeed, considering that THE BARON AND THE HUSBAND HAVE BEEN TO ALL OF THOSE PLACES.

the kicker? the group at the bar, a group that the baron had identified idiots based on their drunk and scantily attired appearance? those girls knew their state capitals. ahem.

for the final question, on the topic of fairy tales, snack wagon was pretty confident. so confident, in fact, that the team wagered their entire points total. the baron had taken a children's literature course in college, and - even though college was lo those years ago - she had a fairly good handle on her fairy tales.

unfortunatly, kevin had other ideas and spoke this question: name all seven of snow white's dwarves.

snack wagon didn't double their score. snack wagon came in near the bottom of the team rankings. snack wagon put on their graceland glasses and their dunce caps and went home.

movin' on up

this is an exciting time for the baron and the husband.

after years of toil in a miserable industry (well, more like an industry that runs off the misery of others, and NO IT'S NOT THE INSURANCE INDUSTRY), at essentially the same agency for the last 10-odd years, the husband has finally reached the brass ring - a permanent full time job with the federal government. it doesn't sound like much, but it kind of is: he essentially wrote his own job description, it's work he likes, the benefits are good, and - because it's an agency under the DHS umbrella - the money will never stop rolling in.

it does not escape the husband's attention that his 18 year old self would throw rocks, beer caps and skateboards at his 35 year old self.

music in the night

today the baron is thinking about... well, really the baron is thinking about speculums, but she's trying to let that particular train of thought conclude. she'll take a moment and shake it off.

ahem. the baron is now thinking of r.e.m., specifically about how much she likes them, and about how some of their songs are deeply a part of her history.

for instance, she remembers "out of time" and the first time she saw the cassette of it, the day of her junior high graduation. it was a gift, given to the baron's friend jenny by jenny's parents and the baron recalls mild curiousity followed by keen understanding ("ah! that 'radio song'! this band sings it!"). the only other thing she remembers about that day is the dress she was wearing - black with large flowers (pinks and yellows and reds with green leaves) with a boat neck. since then, 'near wild heaven' has become one of her favorite songs, and if she can hear it on her way to the end of it all, she'd be just fine. (also, the baron has a long harbored a crush on mike mills.)

she remembers "automatic for the people", which she first discovered in high school, in the back of a friend's parent's car, on the way to swim practice. for her, it recalls those early morning summertime swim sessions, when they were into the pool and warmed up before the sun even broke the sky. the car, and the baron and her friend, smelled of chlorine and sunblock. those were the scents that hovered all season. jessica (the friend in whose parent's car they travelled) and the baron would sing along to 'nightswimming', thrilled about the melody and michael stipe's voice and the idea of swimming naked. (the baron would mention here that 'ignoreland' and 'man on the moon' are also good sing-along songs from this album.) "automatic for the people" also reminds the baron of her neighborhood in california, one of her favorite places in the whole world, a place where - even in july - light mist rolls through the streets and between the houses, and the odd coyote or two can appear under a streetlight just as the natural light is failing. for her, it's a near perfect album (the only draw back being 'everybody hurts', which makes her cringe EVERY TIME. the video makes her want to claw her eyes out.), evocative of all those good southern california things. was there ever a more beautiful song than 'find the river'?

she found "new adventures in hi-fi" in college maybe, or perhaps the first year of graduate school? for her, it's a fair album, notable for 'electrolite' (that jangly piano? those lyrics, those california-specific lyrics, are delicious.). wherever, whenever she came to this album is gone - those memories aren't banked in her head. 'be mine' is mostly what she remembers of this album now, and how the lyrics are trite and meaningful all at the same time. how it's a perfect and ironic love song, saved from sap by its edge.

in recent years, the baron has fallen away from r.e.m. - though she still would think of them fondly. the newer albums, particularly after "up", didn't much impress her, though the husband - an ardent r.e.m. fan himself - continued to buy them, from habit or loyalty. r.e.m. is currently touring in support of their new album, "accelerate"; the baron and the husband were gifted tickets to the band's maryland show. they played some old songs, they played some new songs, and the baron and the husband found themselves pleasantly surprised by the quality of it all. it turned out to be one more memory for her to add to the r.e.m. file, a good memory of that time they saw r.e.m. together.

new kid in town

the baron isn't sure how many blogs are started every day; she guesses somewhere between 15 and 347,989. among the newly created is this lady's. her blog is called my bowl of tea and it promises to be a reliably good read.

blood to survive

yesterday, the baron heard tale that the head of the department of homeland security is actually a nice guy, especially now that he's shaved the beard.

the baron wasn't sold, nor was the husband, who remains convinced that the head of the department of homeland security is actually a vampire.

tomato, one of many

a really charming thing happens around springtime in the baron's yard. the husband, after the last frost, takes compost from their bins and spreads it all over the vegetable beds. soon thereafter, seeds that have survived their time in the bin start sprouting -it's like a happy accident, a gift. invariably, every year they've made their own compost, the baron and the husband have had rogue tomato plants all over the yard. the baron was happy to move them from their sprouting places to pots or into beds, and so far it's working out just fine. this year they got a random melon plant, it may even be a pumpkin or a cucumber. only time will tell!

raspberries

more bounty from the yard... these raspberries are supposed to ripen to a deep red. let's hope the squirrels don't get them first.

grapes

summer weather is upon the garden! the baron and the husband have logged many hours in the yard, planting, transplanting, mulching, composting, mowing, drinking... their labor is about to pay off.

how lovely are these tiny grapes?

now hear this

so, once - a long while ago - the baron's good friend jennifer was talking about her decorating aesthetic as compared to that of one of her housemates. the bottom line was that jenn liked things tidy and put-away, while her housemate (the owner of a lot of STUFF) liked things out and not-put-away.

the baron falls into the tidy and put-away camp, but she's starting to realize that the husband might be more of the LET ME SEE ALL MY STUFF persuasion, as evidenced by these cds in the photo above.

now, it's true that the baron does appreciate having those cds out and available - it's easy to pull one out and listen. it's also true that some of these cds belong to the baron - the modern lovers and modest mouse cds are hers, but not much else in the frame is. and, what you are not seeing is the record collection, huge and dusty, that's lined up just below this shelf of cds. and in both cases there's more inventory than shelf space, so the husband has taken to stacking surplus cds and records behind furniture. the baron is, of course, delighted by this.

delighted.

harlan and "baron"

harlan, it seems, prefers cast iron "baron" to the real thing. brotherly love, eh?

and.... gone

the baron wrote a post the other day - one about a high school boyfriend and some photographs.

those pictures? sealed away in the large envelope in the photo above.

the status of the large envelope? the husband has promised to stop by the post office during his work day to mail it off. the baron, it turns out, got her wish, as those photos are now GONE FROM HER.

baron and harlan

baron took a minute out of his busy day to pose for this photo.

he graciously agreed to let harlan to appear in the background, out of focus.

read a book lately?

the baron noticed this book shelf the other day - well, in truth, it's not a "shelf" as much as it's a "table top". this is because the baron and the husband have more books than shelf space. in fact, many of their books are still in boxes, never unpacked from the move to maryland from arizona.

anyway, the baron was looking at this table top assortment of books recently, and realized just how many of them there are among her favorites - it seemed an uncanny coincidence that these favorite books were clumped together. 'smoke and mirrors', for example, is by neil gaiman, among her favorite authors (and author of her favorite short story, called 'baby cakes'). that slim green one, to the left of 'the dogs who found me', is called 'ex libris: confessions of a common reader', by anne fadiman. it's a collection of short essays all about reading, and the baron would read anything fadiman wrote (in fact, she is now reading a collection of essays edited by fadiman called 'rereadings'). this one, 'ex libris', she takes on planes so the husband will know she was reading something good - as opposed to skymall - if the plane goes down. that thick spine - 'the one and only anastasia'? it's actually 4 books in a set; they're from her early teenage years, a gift from her grandmother. it's a series of books about a young girl living in massachusetts, and represent the baron's first exposure to white liberalism. (it is worth mentioning, maybe, that both the baron's parents were politically conservative, so anastastia and her family were very exciting.) she reads them now and again, and their sophistication surprises and delights her still.

maybe her favorite book ever, of ALL TIME, is also on that table top. it's the tatty looking brown one to the right of 'the dogs who found me', the one with the damaged spine (the baron's 13 year old self thought the spine of 'the westing game' could sub in for a hammer, as she had a picture to hang... it turns out, not so much). it's a children's book, a mystery, and it's wonderful, so wonderful that she reads it every year (it's also one of those take-for-plane-travel books), so wonderful that when the husband and the baron were a-courtin' she read it to him over a few weeks time, when they were in her quiet basement apartment on her single bed. on that first reading, the husband liked 'the westing game', and his appreciation of the book enriched her appreciation of him. it is, the baron thinks, a very important book indeed.

so that's what the husband means

the baron and the brother, on their tour of the national mall, stopped by the united states botanic garden. it's a lovely space, all glass buildings and faintly humid interiors. the baron and the brother took a moment to sit on a bench and look upward, where they noticed the fans and a catwalk.

the husband has long said that he'd like a greenhouse, and anytime he mentioned it the baron had visions of 6'x10' plexiglass hut. she's thinking now, though, that he really means glass and huge and with a catwalk.

what, don't you take photos in the bathroom?

the baron and the brother, on their recent trip to the national gallery of art, despaired at the "no photography" signs posted everywhere in the building.

everywhere, that is, but the bathrooms.

the baron took the opportunity (AFTER washing her hands) to memorialize their visit to the musuem.

june 2

the baron is thinking about a number of things today, which is june 3, 2008. well, not exactly thinking, but there are a number of things (ideas? bubbles? expectations?) floating around in the back of her mind, just below the surface ("the surface" being, 'i am hungry, i am thirsty, and i am bored at work.'). chief among these things - bubbles? - is june 2, which was yesterday.

june 2 is significant for the baron because it is the birthday of a boy she dated a long time ago, long before the husband. this was the high-school boyfriend, the one who helped her understand the unholy power teenage girls can have over teenage boys, and that that power, if wielded insensitively, can be very destructive and unkind. the boyfriend was, sadly and truthfully, kind of like training wheels for the baron - the one to cut her teeth on. (that's awful! and she felt awful typing it.) from the ripe old age of 31, the baron is thinking that her 18 year old self instinctively understood about that power and abused it, for sport and convenience (AWFUL!). the 31 year old baron also suspects that, even as her 18 year old self talked to the boyfriend of their future and marriage, she (the 18 year old one) kind of knew they were doomed, as in her mind all high school sweethearts are. (this has, by the way, been proved wrong - don and cindy in california and jack and theresa in maryland are couples formed in high school and together still - WOOT!).

'so what?' you are thinking. 'june 2 comes around once a year, so get over it baron!' reader, that is good advice, and the baron is trying to.

a few months ago, while in california for a wedding, the baron was - at the behest of her mother - cleaning out her childhood bedroom and came across a box of photographs, dozens of photographs, both loose and in an album. these pictures were of the baron and the boyfriend, in high school and in college. nothing salacious: trips to disneyland, graduations, at petting zoos, carving pumpkins for halloween... pretty tame stuff. they are the tangible evidence of poorly chosen clothes, bad haircuts, fat times, thin times, and casual cruelties. perhaps irrationally, the baron felt that because these photographs were taken with a film camera, and had been developed, and have lasted 10 some odd years, they should be treated with... reverence? respect? anyway, she didn't feel like she could pitch them into the trash, though she wanted and wants nothing more than to have these pictures BE GONE FROM HER. instead, she boxed them up and carried them home.

the baron has spoken to nearly all of her friends, soliciting advice about what to do about these photographs. unanimously, they've advised that she send them to him, after removing any photos of herself (for the boyfriend is now married with two children. the baron does not want to offend the boyfriend's wife.). the baron actually doesn't even want to know the boyfriend: though she was glad to hear that he'd done well for himself, she has no desire to rekindle a relationship of any sort with him. like the photographs, he is proof that she was unkind, he has the memories to corroborate her own recollections of her terrible self. she's kind of trying to move away from that version of herself. aren't we all, though?

so. all the preceeding text brought the baron to yesterday, a day that she had taken off work for two doctors appointments and a job interview. the husband needed a lift to the airport, so at 6 am they left for bwi; she was back home by 7:45 and into the shower. by 8:15, the baron was heating up wax for her legs and, ahem, bikini line when she got a phone call from the doctor's office cancelling the 9:15 appointment. 'argh!' she said. at noon, she had a dentist appointment - which went fine, except for the dentist's opening line: 'so, do you want braces? for cosmetic reasons?' the baron declined. at 3pm, she had a job interview, and the best thing that can be written about that is that the baron's suit fit and she was on time. while it was not a terrible day, it wasn't a great one either, suffused with tones of 'meh'.

she realized afterwards, while reclining on the sofa with bvd, that it was the boyfriend's birthday. the weight of the photographs, the meanings and the memories they carried, came crashing down around her shoulders. the baron is not particularly spiritual; she's not a believer in omens or signs.

but.

the baron thinks that her crappy day yesterday has to do with her avoidance of these pictures. everyone she polled advised her to send them to him. and still, she's dragging her feet, dragging them but good. every time she passes by these photographs, tucked away on a low shelf in the dining room, she averts her eyes and diverts her attentions. because they are so discretely shelved, the baron could probably ignore them for the next ten years, but she doesn't want to.

what she wants to do is sort them, package them, say a tiny prayer (to the god in whom she does not believe) that the boyfriend will be happy to receive them, that his wife will not be offended, and send them off. then, they'll BE GONE FROM HER and june 2 will just be the day the dentist inadvertently criticized her crooked bottom teeth.

4 minutes to 10

the photo above was taken the other afternoon. unless you, reader, are either privy to some kind of psychic insight or you were standing over her shoulder as she took this picture, the baron is guessing you won't be able to tell where this photo is... after all, one tire doesn't say much.

it's the husband's car, on the curb at the national mall, in front of the air and space museum. it turns out that one cannot legally park on the curb at the mall until 10am! the husband had driven the baron and her brother to the museums for the day, parked the car and headed off to work with a "wait here until 10 so we don't get a ticket!"

the time was 4 minutes to 10, and no ticket was issued to to the silverado.