the baron: are we going on a train tomorrow?
toddler x: yes!
the baron: what are we going to do tomorrow?
toddler x: train!
the baron: who are we going to see tomorrow?
toddler x: uncle dylan!
new york city, here we come.
Sunday, December 4, 2011
Thursday, November 3, 2011
princess... like gay, but worse?
tomorrow the baron, the husband, and toddler x will find out the gender of baby segundo. both the baron and the husband are hoping for another boy, for reasons that have to do entirely with their self-perceived parenthood FAILS about raising girls and NOTHING to do with the obvious awesomeness of little girls.
for the husband, raising a daughter would perhaps remind him of his teenaged years; viewing a 13 year-old girl from the lens of fatherhood rather than teenage-boyhood might be too much for him to bear, since he'll acutely remember what, exactly, those teenaged boys are thinking about when and if they call upon his daughter. he has visions of standing guard on the porch, cocked shotgun in hand, warning young men away from the house. it's not a pretty picture.
for the baron, should she be carrying a daughter, her concern will mainly be about fundamental personality differences between herself and said daughter. the baron has been informally polling women at toddler x's playgroup and has found that the disposition of the mother is no guarantee about the disposition of the daughter. in other words, to paraphrase a woman from yesterday's playgroup, a woman whose rather sheltered daughter insisted on being a fairy princess for halloween: 'i used to think girls weren't born to want to be princesses, but she wants to wear her costume all the time. i have NO IDEA how she got this way. i'm not like that at all and she doesn't see those things...'
does this mean there's a princess gene? something that can't be fought or altered, some fundamental part of some little girls that draws them to pink and purple, makeup and jewelry? if so, the baron and the husband are screwed.
for the husband, raising a daughter would perhaps remind him of his teenaged years; viewing a 13 year-old girl from the lens of fatherhood rather than teenage-boyhood might be too much for him to bear, since he'll acutely remember what, exactly, those teenaged boys are thinking about when and if they call upon his daughter. he has visions of standing guard on the porch, cocked shotgun in hand, warning young men away from the house. it's not a pretty picture.
for the baron, should she be carrying a daughter, her concern will mainly be about fundamental personality differences between herself and said daughter. the baron has been informally polling women at toddler x's playgroup and has found that the disposition of the mother is no guarantee about the disposition of the daughter. in other words, to paraphrase a woman from yesterday's playgroup, a woman whose rather sheltered daughter insisted on being a fairy princess for halloween: 'i used to think girls weren't born to want to be princesses, but she wants to wear her costume all the time. i have NO IDEA how she got this way. i'm not like that at all and she doesn't see those things...'
does this mean there's a princess gene? something that can't be fought or altered, some fundamental part of some little girls that draws them to pink and purple, makeup and jewelry? if so, the baron and the husband are screwed.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
pregnant! again!
but reader, let us not dwell on that fact just now.
instead, as the baron, the husband, and toddler x prepare for an early december trip to new york city, let's read a bit about the city.
...
the baron's favorite part of this article?
“Rats are almost as fecund as germs … a rat at four is older than a man at ninety. ‘Rats that survive to the age of four are the wisest and the most cynical beasts on earth,’ one exterminator says. ‘A trap means nothing to them, no matter how skillfully set. They just kick it around until it snaps; then they eat the bait … I believe some of them can read.’ ”
instead, as the baron, the husband, and toddler x prepare for an early december trip to new york city, let's read a bit about the city.
...
the baron's favorite part of this article?
“Rats are almost as fecund as germs … a rat at four is older than a man at ninety. ‘Rats that survive to the age of four are the wisest and the most cynical beasts on earth,’ one exterminator says. ‘A trap means nothing to them, no matter how skillfully set. They just kick it around until it snaps; then they eat the bait … I believe some of them can read.’ ”
Thursday, September 22, 2011
irony what now?
the husband had just finished reading 'the lorax' to toddler x.
the baron: dude, doesn't that make you choke up a little at the end? it makes me cry a little every time i read it.
the husband: kind of.
the baron: i wouldn't mind having a lorax sticker on my car.
the husband: um, i think your sticker should be the once-ler.
the baron: oh... right.
the baron: dude, doesn't that make you choke up a little at the end? it makes me cry a little every time i read it.
the husband: kind of.
the baron: i wouldn't mind having a lorax sticker on my car.
the husband: um, i think your sticker should be the once-ler.
the baron: oh... right.
Monday, March 21, 2011
is this what it will be like?
the baron has been trying to muster up some enthusiasm for the people she and baby x meet at the park: other children, usually a little older than baby x, and parents.
it's no secret that the baron is happiest either alone or with her immediate family. it's also no secret that small talk is not something that comes naturally or easily to her. so giving good face at the park is a task that she'd rather not do... but as the weather improves, as it has in the last week, the baron finds herself faced with other parents a lot. a whole lot.
if she were alone, or with someone other than baby x - who has recently refashioned himself as Mr. Staring McLookatme - the baron would keep to herself. it's awkward, though, to ignore people when baby x is SO OBVIOUSLY STARING AT THEM and otherwise trying to draw as much attention to himself as possible. tentative and painful conversation between the baron and the play ground parents usually follows.
this past week, the baron met a woman who's house caught fire christmas eve, and who wanted to enroll her child in a foreign language immersion program. and a woman who suffered some kind of verbal aphasia that made it impossible BUT IMPOSSIBLE for her to remember the baron and baby x's names EVEN AS THE BARON SPOKE THEM. and a woman who sat on a bench with her face covered by her hands, removing them only to yell 'no! no!' at her golden retriever while her husband and children played on the merry-go-round.
you, reader, must be wondering how the baron is able to navigate her life, given the fact that there are PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. mirrored aviators, reader. they're amazing.
it's no secret that the baron is happiest either alone or with her immediate family. it's also no secret that small talk is not something that comes naturally or easily to her. so giving good face at the park is a task that she'd rather not do... but as the weather improves, as it has in the last week, the baron finds herself faced with other parents a lot. a whole lot.
if she were alone, or with someone other than baby x - who has recently refashioned himself as Mr. Staring McLookatme - the baron would keep to herself. it's awkward, though, to ignore people when baby x is SO OBVIOUSLY STARING AT THEM and otherwise trying to draw as much attention to himself as possible. tentative and painful conversation between the baron and the play ground parents usually follows.
this past week, the baron met a woman who's house caught fire christmas eve, and who wanted to enroll her child in a foreign language immersion program. and a woman who suffered some kind of verbal aphasia that made it impossible BUT IMPOSSIBLE for her to remember the baron and baby x's names EVEN AS THE BARON SPOKE THEM. and a woman who sat on a bench with her face covered by her hands, removing them only to yell 'no! no!' at her golden retriever while her husband and children played on the merry-go-round.
you, reader, must be wondering how the baron is able to navigate her life, given the fact that there are PEOPLE EVERYWHERE. mirrored aviators, reader. they're amazing.
Thursday, March 17, 2011
dinner table conversation
the baron: baby x is so heavy. my shoulders and back ache from carrying him around all day.
the husband: i know. why don't you get a massage?
the baron: that money could be better spent on jiffy pots and yard stuff. maybe i'll just get some aspercreme and you can rub it on my shoulders some night you're feeling romantic.
the husband: sure. let me put my dentures in first.
the husband: i know. why don't you get a massage?
the baron: that money could be better spent on jiffy pots and yard stuff. maybe i'll just get some aspercreme and you can rub it on my shoulders some night you're feeling romantic.
the husband: sure. let me put my dentures in first.
Wednesday, March 9, 2011
the baron loves the husband because...
...he makes her laugh.
to wit, a text she received from him earlier today:
Goddamned crooked fingered troll
to wit, a text she received from him earlier today:
Goddamned crooked fingered troll
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