disneyland

as a condition of vacationing in las vegas, laura agreed to ask her brother, big d - who works for disney (reader, at the REAL magic kingdom, in anaheim, not that ersatz one in florida) - to sign her and the baron in to the park. he seemed happy sign them in (thanks, big d!), so on thursday they met him in anaheim.

that's him, below.




(a note: the baron thinks of big d as big for a reason... in this, she's standing on her tippy toes, as tall as she can be. if she weren't, the top of her head would reach the top of his shoulder. maybe.)









the baron and laura also spent time with the baron's cousin and her son... there's the son and travel duck at cafe orleans, waiting on their monte cristo sandwiches.








here are laura and the baron, near the end of it's a small world. the baron's thumb? covering the flash.
(it's a small world is one of the baron's favorite rides at disneyland. she always, every time she visits the park, makes an effort to ride it at least once. so. when laura and then big d told her there had been some changes to it's a small world, she was very prepared to hate the ride, or, to hate the park for having changed her beloved ride. it turns out, reader, that the changes were small (incorporating disney film characters into the landscape of the ride) and in keeping with the concept of the ride, which is to say all the new additions were done in the exact same style as the rest of the ride. phew.)



here are tbe baron and laura just inside the park. the baron suggested they smile BIG for the camera, and laura - as you can plainly see - took that advice to heart.


some conversation from thursday (names removed to protect the ridiculous):

-hey. i just parked at the pinocchio lot. where are you?
-i have no idea. what's with this parking? it used to be that the parking lot was right in front of the ticket windows. i'm turning onto disneyland drive.
-ok. you're close.
-i'll call you when i get to the garage.


(while waiting for indiana jones adventure: temple of the forbidden eye)
-dude, i think those two girls...
-are looking at porn on their blackberries!?
-yes! i feel like there could be a better time to do that.
-me too. inappropriate.


(at the churro stand and just after)
-is it time for a churro?
-that sounds good.
[8 minutes later]
-this is so good. i love churros.
-it's a good idea. fried and sugared dough. and you know what?
-huh?
-this is my first churro. i never had one before.
-[swallowing] what? dude, this is your FIRST churro? you sounded so excited about it before!
-well. i was.


(near pirates of the carribean)
-hello.
-[big d]
-we just got churros.
-[big d]
-we haven't been to calfornia adventure yet but-
-[big d]
-we're going over now.
-[big d]
-ok. bye. (to the baron) we'd better go to california adventure.


(inside california adventure)
-this place feels like knott's berry farm.
-what's that?
-it's a terrible amusement park. peanuts characters.



(after two terrible rides at california adventure)
-it's almost 6. xtina should be here soon for dinner. i'll call.
(after calling)
-we'll meet her by the california sign outside.




(at the california sign)
-xtina! you look so tan!
-yeah... just had my hair colored, which makes me look tan. so.


(at dinner)
waitress: are you related to monique?
-what?
waitress: you look just like this girl i used to know named monique.
-oh, no. i have a brother named jonathan.


(at dinner)
-so. how's everything with e?
-he's great! he just got another promotion...
-right. when are you getting married?
-right. i love getting that question.


(later, back at disneyland, while in line for space mountain)
-i am tired.
-i know. me too. i'm thinking this is the last one.
-it's 8:15pm.
-what! we've been here all day!
-do you think that woman behind us in line is dressed like that on purpose? is that a costume?
-because she's a stripper for her day job?
-or a hooker maybe?
-dude. do you think that waitress was hitting on me?
-i would not be surprised, no.
-did it occur to you as she was asking me about monique?
-yes.
-um, why did you not say something to me then? i have no ability to see that kind of thing as it's happening.

sleepy time conversation

the husband: how much money do you think the romance novel industry makes per year?

the baron: i don't remember, but i read that article too.

the husband: $1 billion!

the baron: so, uh, can we write a romance novel?

the husband: right, there's a woman, her husband dies, then she goes to visit her cousin...

the baron: right, okay. there's a woman, she lives in maryland, her husband works for the state department and dies tragically. so she goes to california to visit her cousin-

the husband: no, she can't go to california. she has to go somewhere less glamorous than that.

the baron: what, like utah? colorado? i can only write about things that i know, and i know maryland and california. ok, what if her husband dies a tragic death in california and she comes to maryland?

the husband: not depressing enough. there has to be a fish out of water element, and an everywoman element. you have to juxtapose the glamorous with the banal.

the baron: alright. her husband dies and-

the husband: she becomes a secretary?! we can call it 'love in the secretary pool"!

the baron: oh, god. not a secretary. she goes to colorado to... see her cousin... and, uh, to work with dogs?

the husband: and we call it 'love on the dog trails'!!

the baron: oh, god.

las vegas

as you know, reader, the baron was away from maryland last week, visiting friends and family. she spent part of her week away in las vegas, with her friend laura and laura's companion travel duck.



they had planned to see a show, spend time at the hotel spa, learn pai gow poker (laura did anyway), and visit other casinos on the strip, but alas... they instead spent three days at the pool. and shopping. and at the hotel bar.

snippets of conversation from the trip (names removed to protect the ridiculous):

late sunday morning:
-well. we're early.
-outlets?
-charleston street?
-ok. but we're not that early; we'll have to speed shop.

monday morning:
-what are you watching?
-dude, i think this might be the very last episode of 'charmed'.
-i don't think so.
-what? really? doesn't it seem like they're wrapping things up?
-uh.
-i'm watching tomorrow.

monday afternoon (after the pool):
-i feel like i didn't get any color.
-my breasts have red splotches on them! they're burned!
-what?
-the sun must have gone through my bathing suit!
-er. sure.

monday night:
-i think dessert is a good idea.
-it's happy hour at the bar.
-what does that mean?
-it means that beer will be half price.
-so... bar first?
-yes.

later monday night (two beers and one and one third martinis down):
-i am drunk.
-yes, you are.
-drink some water.
-don't boss me! also, i want these m&ms.
-how about every time you eat an m&m you drink some water?
-[chewing]
-dude, it's 7:45pm and we're going to bed.
-i am drunk.

tuesday morning:
-dude, i think *this* might be the very last episode of 'charmed'.
-i don't know.
-well. it's happening this week, anyway, right?
-it seems like it, but...

tuesday afternoon (to see a movie at the orleans hotel/casino):
-do you think the car is safe here?
-yeah. not sure. this casino seems a little run down.

tuesday evening (after the movie):
-even paul rudd could not save that movie.
-also, jason segal...
-needs some help. he couldn't get a comb?
-or some orthodontia.
-some teeth whitening at the very least.
-yes.

below, travel duck waits for the movie. in a very empty theatre.

change, or, you can't go back, but it's nice to visit

as she mentioned earlier this week, the baron is visiting her family and friends in california. she's staying in her childhood home in riverside, where her mother and brother still live.

though very few things have changed inside the house, the baron has noticed them all, each one an affront to her memory: that new bathroom tile? those area rugs? the jigsaw puzzle on the dining room table - since when does her mother do jigsaw puzzles? outside the house, even fewer things are different, but she spotted them too: the lavender is three feet tall now, and was there always a purple rose bush in the rose garden? the lantana has been shaped into a severe hedge, the olive trees have been trimmed to their nubs, and the lemon tree is square (really, a square, and really, it's weird).

------------------

the baron woke up just past 6:00 this morning, bullied into a corner of the bed by her mother's two tiny dogs (combined weight: 24 lbs). she pushed her way back to the center of the bed and tried to get back to sleep, but the sun - and the fragrance of orange blossoms - conspired to keep her awake. she decided to take a walk, an easy one around her neighborhood, through the streets, up to the shopping center, and back again. she had made this walk many, many, MANY times in her previous life, usually with a boy, and once when she was very drunk. in those days, before cell phones and the reinvention of apple, the baron took this walk with no distraction but the sights; today, she had her nano and the playlist from her new life.

it turned out, vampire weekend and modest mouse, the roots and the ramones were kind of inappropriate for her walk, reminders of the gym, and the husband, and maryland; she wanted something with a sublime feel to it, something easy and fun, something like the beach boys (but maybe not so pop as the beach boys). she scrolled through the playlist until she found something that felt suitable for the early sunshine, the morning's version of the gloaming hour. reader, she settled on pavement:



(isn't there something so great about pavement? something really californian about the music?)

with the perfectly appropriate soundtrack, the walk this morning gave the baron an opportunity to reflect on her childhood neighborhood, and reader, things have changed there too. she passed houses she used to know, or rather, houses that were once inhabited by families she used to know: the hymans, the avellas, the kennedys, the goldsteins, ms. farley's place. she's not sure how many of those families remain, the children having moved beyond riverside, the parents perhaps having moved to smaller houses, other towns. this saddened the baron, thinking about the change that had passed through the neighborhood - called canyon crest - that had once been the center of her life, changes that she had not even been witness to. changes that she had not even known were coming!

the streets on her walk reflected the change: every yard (really! every yard!) she passed was perfectly tended, perfectly manicured, a riot of color and growth. she saw outdoor patios, home additions, outdoor entry rooms, low stone walls and lots of bmws. she also saw many people walking dogs, enjoying the day before the heat set in, clutching a leash in one hand and a plastic bag (some empty, some full) in the other. these people, with their dogs, seemed happy to the baron. most likely, they had not noticed the changes, or, they were the change and did not know it.

the baron's walk was just 2 miles - if even that - and soon the she was back at her mother's house. the morning was still cool, but the forecast called for an 85 degree day. she came up the driveway, past her brother's truck (the one that had been their father's last and favorite auto purchase), past the squared-off lemon tree, past the lantana hedge, past the tiny birdhouses that decorate the path to the front door (these birdhouses? a new addition to the front walkway). she kicked off her shoes and was greeted by 24 lbs of fawn colored chihuahua and black and tan mutt. soon, thinking about coffee, and a shower, and breakfast, the baron's walk - and the sadness - was pushed to the back of her mind.

gone to california

reader, the baron is taking a break this week. she has traveled home, to california, to see friends and family, so her posting this week will be light.

[you are thinking, "the baron, your posts have been light recently anyway!"]
[the baron would respond, "yes, reader, i am a crappy blogger. 'become a better blogger' is on my list of things to do, right under drop 10 lbs and read that tolkien trilogy. for real."]

tripey, tripey, tripey tripe

those of you who know the baron probably also know that, excepting a few circumstances (starving dogs? sniffle. sniffle. to whom can she write the donation check?), she is unflinchingly unsentimental.

so.

imagine her confusion when this video made. her. weep. like. an. infant.

[reader, though the baron is familiar with simon cowell - having had a coworker who would break down EVERY SINGLE EPISODE OF AMERICAN IDOL the morning after it aired - she's not familiar with the show in the clip: something, something, a talent show? also, at just over 7 minutes, the clip is long... but totally worth it. get that tissue ready.]

thank god for mr. c

in a recent post (the last one, actually), the baron revealed to you, reader, that she doesn't care much for the washing of dishes. she had been prepared to defend herself, to claim that this - her avoidance of this type of cleaning - is anomaly, and that she generally works to keep a clean house.

but.

that's kind of not true.

what IS true is that the baron is fighting an unending battle against the dogs' hair, hair that pulls loose from their coats and puddles in the corners of the house, finding its way under the sofas and beds. to handle this most worthy adversary, the baron uses the Dyson Animal vacuum cleaner (maybe, by the way, the best gift the husband ever gave the baron), and on the whole - by waging two battles a week - she is mostly able to keep the hair at bay.

what is also true is this: that's pretty much all she does. yes, yes, she does laundry, and the occasional furniture wipe-down to catch the dust, but reader, the baron doesn't clean the floors, or the bathroom, or the kitchen (beyond keeping it tidy between uses), or the windows or the mirrors...



instead, over the last 18 months or so, she has come to rely on a man she'll call mr. c. (doesn't that make you think of mr. f, reader?). introduced to her by someone at her job, mr. c is the godsend who comes to the baron's house twice a month to CLEAN! he does the floors, and the bathroom, and the kitchen, and the windows, and the dusting, and reader, never have you seen joy until you've seen mr. c trying out a new cleaning product.

at first, the baron was just glad to have someone around to do the work she DIDN'T want to do; she'd heave a sigh of relief knowing that it was almost time for one of his visits.

but.

it turns out, mr. c is more than just the sum of his cleaning products! he's also a whole person, a humane, funny, snarky librarian with a wit that could cut you, reader, right to shreds. and his boyfriend? an opera singer. the baron, though grateful for his cleaning services, is also grateful just to know him (something that happened almost right away, as soon as she noticed that he remembered all the dogs' names and was not put off by baron's incessant barking).

see how that works, that positive reinforcement? deny housecleaning and get a friend!!

dinner without the husband

last week, the husband traveled to texas for a conference. he was gone the entire week, which meant that:
-there was much less laundry for the baron to do
-the baron stayed up past her usual 8pm bedtime to let the dogs out every night
-the baron rose much earlier every morning to let the dogs out - and to feed them breakfast
-the baron had no one to cook for... so she had a series of lazy gal's meals (see the salad below)

that's lettuce, alfalfa sprouts, chickpeas, pepperoncinis, cherry tomatoes, and dried bing cherries, doused in olive oil and red wine vinegar. yummy yummy yum.


the baron has decided that salads are an amazing dinner choice because after the meal, there's only one dish to wash! true, the cutlery would need to be washed as well, but reader, at the end of a salad night one would have no more than 5 pieces of kitchenware to attend to!

did the baron mention, she hates washing dishes? so much so that she'll use the same water glass over and over again, for days, so she won't have to wash it?

when the husband is home, he does the dishes (not all the time, but most of the time, and YES the baron knows how lucky she is in this regard). when he's gone, the baron tries to mitigate her dish use. it's a fairly juvenile way to live. she knows it.

a good year for the roses

on a recent friday, the husband walked through the front door with a bouquet of flowers; it was his attempt at cheering the baron up after her dismal visit with the endocrinologist.

it totally worked.



and also, is anyone else thinking of this elvis costello song?

love: a (brief) photo essay

the baron and the dogs saw a lot of the outdoors this past weekend, seeing as the sun shone so brightly. the baron never passes up the chance to photograph her brood: these two pictures are lovely. baron is so pretty when he's not barking like a rabid dachshund.

waaa-waaaaaaaah

today, the baron is suffering from a case of the grumpies.

for instance: she set the alarm for 6:12am, hoping that the dogs would let her sleep until then. the dogs had other plans, and she was up just past 5am.

and, she went back to bed and overslept until almost 7am.

and, she planned ahead and made coffee to go, but realized (only when unlocking her office door) that she had left it in the car.

so, she closed up her office and went back to her car (no mean feat, reader, as the baron's building is HUGE), only to realize on her return trip that she was locked out of her suite. (she had taken care to lock her office door and stash her keys in her suite's lobby desk -"no need to carry car keys AND office keys/ID", she thought - but had forgotten that the suite doors open at 8:30, and that until that time an ID card is needed for access to the suite. blar.)

and so, she stopped by the operations office of her building, to borrow the master keys... and then had to return them.

all that walking, and in three inch heels, and before 8:15am even! and there were stairs too, reader, lots of stairs.

the baron is grumpy, oh but grumpy. the day can only look up, right?